I’ve always been afraid of debates. Firstly, because I’m not very good at repartee, and secondly, because I often lack self-confidence. I often shy away from heated conversations and make sure that no one really knows what I’m thinking. At least I’m sure that some smart aleck isn’t going to come after me just for the pleasure of getting me out of my comfort zone. That’s why I never take part in feminist debates. That was before.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it’s really not a good strategy and that I need to take more responsibility for my thoughts. The repartee will come with practice.
One day, I’m at a friend’s house and she tells me that her sister, an artist, is being interviewed by a journalist: “Are you a feminist?”. My friend’s sister replies “No, not a feminist, but I’m obviously in favor of equality between men and women”.
I think about it for a few seconds, and I say to myself that’s a good way of looking at it, I think that’s exactly what I’d say.
My friend disagrees: “Come on, she’s an artist! She’s in the spotlight, and she’s ashamed to say she’s a feminist! It’s so sad! On the contrary, she should be our spokesperson, saying it loud and clear!
At that point, I know I have no choice but to give my opinion, and there may well be a debate. I’m going to have to get out of my comfort zone.
So I ask myself: “But what does being a feminist mean to you? Because in my mind, a feminist is someone who wants women to dominate men. She’s an extremist, who gets her message across by sometimes dubious means.”
As I say these words, I realize that I’m the one who’s wrong. There’s no way my friend is that feminist.
I pick up my phone and do a quick search for the definition of a feminist: among other things, I learn that “feminism includes the body of argument that denounces inequalities against women”. Wow. That’s exactly what I think. Looks like… I’m a feminist!
In the evening, ready to show off my new knowledge (and my new political stance!), I casually ask my partner, “Hey tell me, are you a feminist?”. He replies, “Of course I’m a feminist, what a funny question!”
I felt… stupid! Why did my partner know and not me? How could I have missed this vital information?
I tend to be guided by the mass media. I don’t read many articles on social issues. I read the headlines and make up my own mind, which is a really bad idea. I realize I’m being completely manipulated!
Even if I’m not in the business of informing myself, I’m confronted with it. Whether it’s by doing my rounds on social networks, catching the headlines of the 24-hour newspaper out of the corner of my eye on the subway, or hearing the radio when I go grocery shopping. I’m not aware of it, but it gets stuck in my head.
At no point did I really ask myself the question: “What exactly is a feminist?” Because I let myself be instructed by that little voice in the back of my head that said, “No need to look, I know, feminists are these bitter women who are inhabited by hatred of men, and I’m not one of them!”
I’m so angry! I now understand my friend’s reaction, and the best thing I can do after this discovery is to spread the good news.
And yes, girls, being a feminist can be conjugated to all tenses, all people, all genders and all ages! In fact, I think we should be teaching our children (our girls AND our boys) at a very young age that it’s normal for us to be equal, and that there is no weaker sex. There should be no difference in our attitude, in our words, and in our actions towards little boys and girls, we should just all treat them like humans, tell them that they’re strong, intelligent and beautiful, and that nothing should stop them.
One day, feminism will no longer be a household word… Because we’ll have our equality, and we won’t have to wonder whether we are or not!
Have you ever wondered whether you’re a feminist?
