Article originally published in 2017
Women aren’t fragile and don’t need saving. Gentlemen, if you want to help, this isn’t the way to do it.
Benevolent sexism is defined as an idealization of traditional gender roles and the term was put forward by psychologists Glick, P., & Fiske, S. T. in 1996. They observed that women are naturally thought to be kinder, closer to their emotions and more compassionate. Men, on the other hand, are thought to be naturally rational, less emotional and stronger, both mentally and physically. Brought back to the workplace, benevolent sexism is behind the assumption, for example, that women are naturally better administrative assistants, because they’re just “better”.
Benevolent sexism is a form of sexism that may seem less serious than so-called traditional sexism, but its impact is no less significant. It’s often motivated by good intentions, but it’s just as harmful because it’s harder to see. Men who want to help women imply that they need help and are therefore in distress.
La Gazette des Femmes, the magazine of the Conseil du statut de la femme, published a short explanatory cartoon in 2016:
Example 1: “But I want to pay this time!
No no! This is MY job.”
Example 2: “Can you look at this? I need a woman’s opinion… You’re so sensitive!”
Example 3: “All women have a maternal instinct. It’s innate. It’s beautiful!”
Example 4: “I love women. They’re so soft and fragile. It makes you want to protect them.”
Here’s a series of examples from the business world:
Jack Ma, founder of Chinese giant Alibaba said, “Men think more about themselves; women think more about others. Women think about taking care of their parents, their children.” That’s probably a good sentiment, but what happens when a woman isn’t “loving”? Is she less of a leader? Is she less of a woman? Similarly, men are said to be natural leaders who can handle pressure. If a man doesn’t like pressure, is he less manly than the man next to him?
We’ll entrust organizational tasks to a woman, because she “does it so much better than men”. For example, she’ll be the one taking notes during a meeting, “she writes so much faster and her handwriting is always legible”. Men, on the other hand, will be busy discussing real business and making decisions. Being organized is indeed a specific talent, but not all women possess it under the guise of their gender.
In this Harvard Business Review article, the author explains how Anthony Scaramucci, then the new White House communications director, describes Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the new White House press secretary. He seems intent on paying compliments, yet their effect is negative. At one point in the speech, Scaramucci suggests something to Sanders: “Sarah, if you look, I loved Friday’s hair and makeup. Let’s keep using the same ones.” Obviously, it’s nice to be complimented on one’s looks, however, talking about a woman’s appearance in a professional setting, especially when trying to highlight her professional attributes, can be detrimental.
Another example: a woman will be asked to carry out the final quality test on a website. Thanks to her meticulous skills, she’ll be able to spot bugs and errors. Yes, women are meticulous. But so are men. The same men who programmed that same website needed to be thorough to get the job done.
According to an article in the Guardian, when women work in programming, they often end up being front-end developers and the men back-end developers. [Note: When we talk about the front-end, we’re talking about what we see on the screen and can interact with: colors, position of elements, display according to screen size, etc. The back-end covers everything that’s involved in the development of a program. The back-end covers everything that goes on behind the scenes, like the tip of the iceberg: database management, an application, servers, etc.]. So, to put it simply, women are creative and make “things look good”, while men work in the background, “getting their hands under the hood”. Generally speaking, those who work as back-end programmers earn more money than front-enders. In my experience, this division of roles is often true.
Here are a few ways to avoid benevolent sexism:
Let women act, let them take risks, as Yara El-Souedi, co-founder of Espace L, a social club for women, explains. “If you’re an ally, you have to know when to let go. Yes, it’s fine, you support us, but support us in important situations. Let us talk, let us get together. The best example I can give is Black Lives Matter. As an ally, I can support them in their fight, but I can’t say I understand or experience the same thing. Nor do I have to give my opinion on what they should do. If they need me, I’ll be there to support them. It’s the same with feminism.”
If you want to compliment a woman, try to do it on her intellect as much as her looks. Obviously, it’s nice to know you’re pretty, but in a private context, not a professional one. Looks have nothing to do with whether or not you can complete a project. If you’re a boss and you present your employee to the customer, you’ll make the company look good, if you present her as “intelligent and capable” and not “nice and communicates well”.
And finally, ladies, say no when you’re asked to do something that isn’t part of your job description. You know what you’re good at and why you were hired.
It’s not just women who suffer from benevolent sexism. It’s damaging for men too. When we say that women are more sensitive, compassionate, beautiful and intuitive, we distance men from their capacity for sensitivity, gentleness, compassion and beauty. We also contribute to stereotypes that men are bad at housework, communication and other so-called “feminine” things. If men admire women’s qualities so much, they should strive to cultivate them too. Equally, men who already possess them shouldn’t be singled out or made to feel “less male”.
