Article originally published in 2017
Some men don’t like to see women succeed, we know that and we’re not really surprised anymore. Women who don’t want to see women succeed, that’s still hard to accept. I confess I find it hard to understand why. If women don’t help each other, it’s an even worse form of betrayal than that committed by men. I decided to look into the matter.
There’s an expression to describe a successful woman – a woman who has reached a very senior position in a company – who doesn’t want to help other women succeed in their turn: the Queen Bee.
Here’s why.
The Queen Bee feels that no one has helped her, so why should she help others? In fact, she probably did have help, because who can really have risen in a hierarchy without relying on anyone?
Women pull out the ladder for other women for fear of competition. The number of women on a board of directors (BOD) is incredibly low. Our friends at La Gouvernance Au Féminin confirm it: less than 16% of board members in Canada are women. Because there are few places for women at the table, those who are there want to stay there. That said, if more women were invited to sit on boards, then women wouldn’t feel threatened. This fear of competition was experienced by digital strategist Rachelle Houde Simard. She tells me this anecdote: “A web project manager at a supplier kept complicating things for me by making me look like a hack. She absolutely wanted me to create a new document [but it didn’t make sense]. Her colleague, on the other hand, took the time to listen to me and find a solution [with me]. He didn’t know why she insisted [so much]. It was probably due to her character, but I also know that she was the only woman on his team.”
Evelyne Drouin, a multidisciplinary digital artist, recounts her experience, in which she believes the generational aspect played an important role: “It often happened to me when I was working as a DJ and producer that female artists would help me at first, then put an end to the relationship some time later because they ended up seeing me as a threat. I was younger than they were.”
A New York Times article explains that psychology professor Loran Nordgren and his colleagues have found that the human mind tends to make past experiences less painful than they really were. Reflecting on one’s own experience leads to an underestimation of the challenge. The result? Women who have struggled to climb the ladder lack compassion for those who have to go through the same difficulties.
Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In and COO of Facebook, explains that removing the ladder is a natural way of reacting to discrimination when belonging to a non-dominant group. Fearing that their group is not valued, some women distance themselves from it, avoiding affiliation with groups that are considered to have a lower social status.
“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” -Madeleine Albright
Why is it important to help each other?
Cassie Rhéaume, founder of the French-speaking Montreal chapter of Ladies Learning Code, regularly talks about the importance of women helping each other. In her opinion, it helps build a strong network, which is beneficial for everyone’s career. Unfortunately, women don’t do this enough, as noted in TECHNOCompétences’ 2017 report.
Given that all women experience sexism, they should be more sensitive to the gender-specific obstacles faced by other women. In turn, they should be encouraged to foster alliances and support one another.
There is evidence to show the benefits of helping each other. In The Atlantic article, the author explains that when women have female supervisors, they report receiving more support on the family and organizational side than with male supervisors. According to the same article, studies show that when a significant number of women hold management positions, the gender pay gap is reduced.
Of course, not all women are like this. Rachelle Houde Simard explains: “I think a lot about the people who have helped me along the way, and come to think of it, women have really played an important role. My first leads or customers came from women.”
