I can’t tell you how often women working in technology confide in me that they’re the only one of their kind on their team! I haven’t found any statistics on the subject, but in my experience, these are far from isolated cases. Being the only woman can be intimidating or downright toxic. Here are six tips for coping.
Don’t try to be “one of the boys” or the cool girl in tech
Admittedly, it’s hard to be the one who’s different. Sometimes we try to fit in by copying those around us. If we can’t be ourselves, then we’ll become everyone else. That’s not a good strategy. We become someone we’re not, and end up distancing ourselves from other women, thinking we’re “not like them”. For Sherri Cooper, the former BMO economist, self-fulfillment meant staying true to herself. “I never tried to be one of those men,” she says. I didn’t know enough about sports, golf or field hockey.” Her technique was to stand out. “When you’re in a sea of gray suits and white men, you at least attract attention. You’re hard to miss,” she adds.
Document all your work
Several studies show that women don’t get the credit they deserve for their work. When you’re invisible, it’s very easy to steal your work. Especially if people tend to think you’re less competent because of your gender. Then it’s very easy for them to think you didn’t do the job. Protect yourself by making your work public. Create a blog or even an internal wiki where you write down everything you do. Make presentations, take a team photo and use it in your work, write an internal blog post, etc.
If possible, choose who will review your code
When you’re a developer, it’s quite common for the code you write to be reviewed by one of your colleagues. It’s pretty standard. However, some people take this opportunity to exert pressure. What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship? No constructive criticism, only negativity; or your code is never approved as is, it’s “always bad”. Try to find someone who cares only about the code, not the messenger, and ask them for constructive criticism.
Try to make the team as diverse as possible.
It’s hard to be alone. Having more female developers on the team, or at least on adjacent teams, changes the tone. When the company is recruiting, suggest names of women you know. When there’s heterogeneity and everyone’s different, then the dynamic changes. You’re no longer the rarity, you’re the norm, because you’re different… just like everyone else!
At the end of the day, choose your battles, because you’ll never be able to fight them all without losing part of yourself. But if someone attacks your credibility or your skills, show your fangs!
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